If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!

Back in June, I sent out my application for a PhD program in physics at the Air Force Institute of Technology (AFIT). I found out last week that I got picked up for that program, and I’ve been puzzling through the ramifications since then. The current outlook is that I’ll start probably in Fall 2009 and study at AFIT—at Wright-Patterson AFB—for three years. I’m then committed to stay in the Air Force for five years after that, at least four years of which will be as a professor at the US Air Force Academy. So I’ll be an Air Force physicist until 2017, which puts me at 12 years of service, more than halfway to retirement (assuming I at least make Major).

I say try again because I attempted a PhD program once before. Although I had some really good people supporting me in that program, I really felt the need to get out and stem the tide of rising student loan balances. Now, the Air Force wants to pay me and send me back to school at the same time, in a program that is extremely focused toward quickly and efficiently shaping students into researchers. (That’s not to say that civilian institutions are good or bad; they just function differently as far as funding and carrying out research programs, which translates into a significant difference in the normal time required for a student to complete a PhD degree.)

Where does that leave me with respect to a call to ordained ministry? And where does that leave me in my attempt to discern what God wants for me? Well, as I’ve said before, God is more subtle than many of us would like. There’s plenty of room to be indecisive in life, especially if one stands around waiting for God’s purpose to become clear. Meanwhile, life (and God!) keeps going on. In the end, I can wait around, beating my head against a wall (figuratively, of course, though I sometimes have the appropriate headache…) as I continue to ponder my purpose in a place where I probably won’t be ordained anyway. Or I can make a decision, take a leap of faith, and pray that God has placed me where I can do some good.

In any case, as I’ve mentioned before, the first call I experienced was more of a long-term call, in which I would seek ordination after finishing my military career. In my current context, I feel like the more urgent call may have been what was needed to prod me toward what I needed. I enjoy the theological education I’ve had so far, and I find that it feeds both my mind and my soul. So I still intend to complete my Master of Divinity program. In the future, depending on where I am, relative to appropriate schools, I can pursue a Doctor of Theology degree. And there’s still plenty of life left for me to live—with God's grace, maybe I’ll answer the original call after all.

Lord, keep my eyes, heart, mind, and soul open to new possibilities!

Amen.